Excuse me.
Killer night.
I could move another 100 tabs if you have another bag.
We got bigger problems. Where the hell is Ryan?
Tell him to get his ass here.
Ryan, where are you? Things are going bad here.
That's not what we agreed on.
- Oh, my God. - English, asshole.
Ryan, I got to go.
Go, go, go, go. D.E.A.
- Help! - D.E.A. Hands up.
Get her out of here now.
- Am I gonna see you tonight? - Not unless you're picked up on a B&E.
I own a crowbar.
Keep Saturday night open. A certain someone
managed to finagle reservations at the Andaluz Spa.
That's...
Next to impossible and I'm amazing?
Well, both of those, yes.
The thing is, I'm not a big massage guy.
Who doesn't like a massage?
Me. I just...
don't.
Don't make me break out my pliers and interrogation lamp.
Okay, four years ago,
I was scarred by a masseuse.
Nasty breakup?
No, not emotionally scarred.
Literally, physically. You see this?
- No. - From my first time on the table.
And my last. There was cortisone cream involved.
I can't even talk about it.
Four years ago.
No, it's awful,
but four years is an awful long time ago too.
Also I have to work this weekend, so...
Hi, Mary.
Well, if I can't change your mind and nix your bizarre massage phobia,
I guess I'll nix the reservation.
- And so it begins. - And so what begins?
Er: The Marshall Mann edition.
She zeroed in on what needs fixing, I'm telling you.
Don't get me wrong, I like Abigail, I do.
- You hide it well. - But you know the type.
She's a fixer.
Trust me, aside from late-night cramming
for her sats, that girl will not rest till she's completely changed you.
Sharon Harris.
- When's the last time she called? - Never.
- Too busy baking. - You thinking snickerdoodles?
- I'm thinking. - Unbelievable.
Gardner transforms Sharon into a witness worthy of the WITSEC hall of fame,
drops a PTA president in your lap on the way out the door.
Talk about a layup.
Eight years of Mary later,
the woman is still on the straight and narrow and baking.
You're welcome, America.
I give you that. 17 years in, not a whiff of trouble.
"Urgent."
Way to jinx it, numbnuts.
Everybody fakes it...
Pretending they like the friend's spouse,
feigning interest in the ozone or Christmas carols at the door.
Just it seems somehow smarter or nicer.
Kinder... funnier.
As if we ought to be Canadians.
Hey. Thanks for coming so quickly.
You texted "URGENT," all caps.
Also the five exclamation points tipped me off.
- What's up? - Beth.
Now it is my distinct pleasure to reward a girl
who can always be relied on
for last-minute dress emergencies,
a shoulder to cry on,
and heartfelt words of encouragement.
Miss Congeniality,
Beth Harris.
Urgent.
See? It says so right there.
Come on.
Beth has been her whole life sunshine personified.
Three days ago,
storm clouds.
Teenage girl seems moody.
- I'll call CNN. - No, Mary.
It's not that. I know my daughter.
Sharon, if this is drugs or whatever, it's pretty standard for the age.
I don't have to tell you.
- Where is it? - Look, that's less of a WITSEC issue,
more of a you issue.
Something tells me
you'll consider this a WITSEC issue.
Jesus, Sharon.
I never said a word. I swear.
Since 1970,
the federal Witness Protection Program has relocated thousands of witnesses,
some criminal, some not, to neighborhoods all across the country.
Every one of those individuals shares a unique attribute,
distinguishing them from the rest of the general population.
And that is,
somebody wants them dead.
Season 4 - Episode 4 Meet the Shannons
From the day I entered this program,
I have lied about who I am
to coworkers, friends, to my family.
- I know. - 17 years.
And for the last 16,
since Beth was born,
I have dreaded this day
that I knew was gonna come, and here it is.
So what do I do?
You calm down. Okay?
We're gonna deal with this. She probably got this off the Internet?
I don't know. I guess.
Would she talk to anybody about that, do you think?
I don't know. She's 16 years old.
She's been carting this around in her backpack!
Hey. Right now, all I care about is your safety.
- That's my only concern. - This isn't...
it's not about the goddamn Yakuza.
- It's about my daughter! - Sharon.
She's never gonna forgive me.
Hey, mom? Erin and Tiff are gonna...
- Is that... - Sweetheart.
Oh, my God.
- Wait, so... - Sweetheart.
Wait, so that stuff on the Internet, that's... that's you?
That was my life a long time ago.
But I made the choice to get out, and so I testified, and I started over.
You were a drug dealer?
And, what, are you on the run from the Japanese mob?
Or... I mean, or the cops?
Beth, please trust me.
We're fine.
No! We are fine now.
This is not fine, mom.
- I don't even know where to begin. - Mary.
What, what, what the hell does Mary have to do with this?
I'm a U.S. Marshal.
Okay, your mother is in the Witness Protection program,
and she has been for the last 17 years.
And so have you for the past 16.
But I can promise you, you are safe.
And so's your family.
Wait, what, so you're not family friends?
Are you in there?
Beth? Beth, we,
we love you so much.
Oh, my God. Dad?
- You lied to him too? - I'm so sorry.
This is not how I wanted you to find out.
What's going on in there? Hello.
Right. We'll be right out!
This is big and delicate, and this cannot continue here.
- I'm not going anywhere. - You want to bet?
Let's go.
Hey.
- I got the stuff. - Thank God.
I was this close to making Sharon bake at gunpoint.
What's the plan?
First we find out what happened, how the hell Beth got that photo.
I want to talk to dad.
I've already called him, and he's driving back from Santa Fe.
- He'll be here soon. - Right.
'Cause I believe you?
'Cause you haven't been lying to me for my entire life?
Kids. Don't see the upside.
Go away.
You have no idea how much I wish the world worked like that.
Is that it?
Your bedside manner sucks.
Doctors have bedside manner.
I've got a gun and a badge. And this muffin.
Witness Protection?
It's like we're in some lame-ass movie of the week, seriously?
Listen, everyone wishes their parents were something else...
cooler, nicer, just less them.
Disappointment comes with the territory.
I need to know.
How'd you find that photo of your mom?
It wasn't hard. There's this show.
It's Humanity's Worst Criminals. You've seen it?
- You've seen it? - Sure, it's a classic.
Well, the promo this week was all
about the Yakuza, some Japanese mob,
and the floating rave in San Francisco.
Site's bookmarked.
They were kids caught up in the '90s San Francisco rave scene,
selling ecstasy, living the dream,
until a drug deal with the deadly Yakuza went bad.
And the Japanese mob turned their dream into a nightmare.
A life snuffed out. Innocence lost.
You must really want to talk to your friends about this?
That can never happen. Do you hear me?
Ever.
The people who are after your mom, they have really long memories.
What do you think, one of my friends is gonna, like,
call the Yakuza hotline?
It only takes one person. One person making an innocent comment
in public or on Facebook. "I'll tell you, but you have to promise
"you won't tell anybody." That's what it will sound like.
A series of telephone tag leading right to your doorstep.
Give it a week.
And the men they'll send, they won't care that you're a kid.
They'll be glad.
You'll be your mother's kryptonite. They will kill you.
All of you. Painfully.
- You're scaring me. - Good.
Sharon!
- Dad. - Beth.
Dad!
- It's gonna be okay. - It's not okay.
- Yes, it's gonna be okay. - She was a drug dealer.
Her friends killed some guy.
Sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
She made up the accident
that killed grandma and grandpa. I mean, who does that?
Someone who understands the importance of keeping questions to a minimum.
Exactly.
Beth, this is hard, okay?
And this is hopefully the hardest thing you'll ever have to go through.
But this is something to get through.
Listen to me, sweetheart, 'cause you need to hear this.
Sweetie, your mother loving you, that is the opposite of a lie.
- Are you defending her? - No.
Yes.
- This is complicated. - Oh, my God.
You knew. You knew.
You knew what?
The whole time?
- She could tell him, but not me? - We'd prefer she told no one.
I couldn't lie to him anymore.
But you could lie to me?
Awesome.
Oh, God. Who are you people?
Beth, your mother's the same person she's always been.
Yes, exactly.
Sweetheart, she is the same
wonderful, flawed, loving person.
The fact that she made some mistakes before you were even born,
it doesn't change that.
Dad.
- Are you even my dad? - Hey, don't.
Come on, sweetheart. Of course, I am.
I met your mother after she already got relocated.
We met at the Home Depot. Remember?
On Twin Palms.
And I met him in the paint aisle. And he helped me pick out that color.
- Remember Sunset Sonora? - Are you going down Memory Lane?
Hey, is Beth here?
- Yeah, but now's not a good time. - Oh, my God, I'm happy to see you guys.
You have no idea.
Sweetheart, I don't think now is the best time.
Mom, we could really use something to celebrate.
We'll be in my room. Come on, you guys.
Four squealing teenagers
running up to the room of a fifth with a lot on her mind.
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - I'm on it.
- Wait, Beth. - I'll meet you guys upstairs in a sec.
Just so we're clear, if you tell any of them anything,
I will move you and your family so fast it'll make your tiara spin.
If you ever want to watch Glee with them again, you hold your tongue.
Got it?
Have fun.
I'd like to dance but *** not so much.
That's it. I'm revoking key privileges.
What are you guys doing here?
We need to go over the wedding plan before we talk it over with the Alperts.
At the lunch that you promised to attend.
Right. Yes.
The formal meeting of the families
where they deliver yaks in exchange for your hand.
And where we all play minesweeper?
What... what is that?
It's the seating chart.
- Oh, my God. - We can put the tables here,
and the buffet line will be perfect on this far side.
And I think I can squeeze in a small dance floor
right over there. Yeah.
Unless, how do you feel about that olive tree?
My friend Hector could cut it down for next to nothing.
- The olive tree? - Yeah.
- The olive tree in my backyard? - Mary, I can't exactly afford
the ballroom at the Biltmore.
No. No Hector.
And hands off my tree. Anyway, this is crazy.
Peter's got more money than God, his parents make more than both of them.
Seriously?
This is, like, quarters in the cushions to these people.
Which is exactly why we have to do this.
That's Brandi logic, right?
It'll be small, but it'll be ours.
- Yeah. - And classy.
"Ours" and "classy". And they said it'd never work.
Mary, technically, it is mom's responsibility.
Says Emily Post, who, wrote that book when women couldn't vote.
I'm taking care of this.
And I don't want any pushback from you.
Fine. You know what I'm gonna take care of?
A glass, some salt, and this much Tequila.
Adios.
Okay, let's get started.
A life snuffed out.
Innocence lost.
Two dead, one banished,
all lost in the web of... "Pure Evil".
So on the docket today, a little fugitive-recognition exercise.
It's pretty simple really.
Now one of these women is featured on the clip you just watched.
Question is,
based on a 17-year-old image,
who do you collar?
Serious?
I once made a perp I glimpsed or all of two seconds,
and that was after he had had plastic surgery.
That's impressive.
If you would please just write down your answer.
I'm gonna go with "D", mole girl.
- You don't have to check on me 24/7. - What are you talking about?
I'm not checking. I hang out in the smokers' section
with the cool kids.
- This is where the cheerleaders sit. - That explains the hives.
Listen, Beth, I know you think all I care about
is your physical safety,
but I wanted to tell you I know how hard this must be.
You know? Keeping all this stuff inside.
And there's people you can talk to.
It's just all of it is mind-blowing, you know?
They were always just Sharon and Karl.
Just kind of sweet and artsy
and crazy over-protective.
Mary, they were the dorky parents that my friends made fun of,
and, all of a sudden,
I find out that my mom is a drug dealer.
My mom? And if she did that, what did my dad do?
I mean, who are they?
I get it. I do.
I mean,
coming to that realization gradually over years is hard enough.
- But going from "A" to "Z" in 5 minutes. - I just want to go back.
This is going to be hard to hear,
but, for you, there is no back.
There's only here but different.
I'm gonna give you my cell. Okay? Call me.
Any time.
Just, if it's early, don't expect miss congeniality.
How'd you meet Abigail?
- Good morning. - Just go with me here.
- At the Joint Task Force briefing. - Exactly. See?
You gave me the headline, not every detail
l like Karland Sharon did last night.
- You saying it was rehearsed? - I'm saying it's hinky.
- You hate him. - Yes.
Let's huddle up.
I'll just come to you, I guess.
I was just with Delia and the others.
And across the board, they match Sharon the drug dealer
with Sharon the PTA mom.
- That little beauty mark is killing us. - We got to stop the airing.
I was thinking the exact same thing, but not to worry, 'cause I got this.
Cool. John Wayne mode.
Love John Wayne mode.
What? I know a guy.
Even better. Godfather mode.
- I wear many hats, Mary. - You wear many hats?
Don't tee up the bald jokes for us. It takes the fun out of it.
What? What's?
Known associates of Moon Munn
before she turned into PTA mother of the year.
Is that...
- Karl? - A.K.A. Ryan Marsh...
Sharon's boyfriend, the gun-running one that got away.
God, I hate hinky.
Governor Richardson, look at that.
Came in for a Q&A, stuck around for pictures.
- Hell of a guy. - So how's life?
Stanny, you're as lousy a bluffer at the poker table
as you are away from it.
- This ain't a social visit. - Oh, you got me.
You got me. Actually, no, I need a favor, Kev.
And it's a big one.
I need you to pull this week's Pure Evil,
the Yakuza episode.
- This is a joke, right? - I wish it was.
Why?
I'm not at liberty to discuss that.
Yeah, well, I'm not at liberty to violate the first amendment.
I respect that, I do,
but you know what, you're right.
I shouldn't have imposed. I know you got a job to do.
- I crossed the line. - You get where I'm coming from?
- Yes. - I got a station to run.
No explanation necessary.
It's just... it's a little too important.
I had to give it a shot. Okay?
I mean, you'd never reach out to me if you needed help with anything, so.
Anyway, okay.
Actually, Stan.
There is something.
Those speed traps are a bitch.
How did you...
You can relax. I got this.
- Okay? - Really?
I know a guy.
So APD, FBI, the local chapter of AAA,
no one has a single shred of anything on Karl before he married Sharon.
He works construction jobs,
paid strictly under the table, so...
- So there goes the paper trail. - And here comes the photo trail.
This puts Karl with the dead Yakuza.
But even if Karl is Ryan,
Ryan didn't pull the trigger. He wasn't even there.
He was an active part of the organization.
He supplied the guns. It's felony murder.
You're right, but we can't say for sure
that the guy Sharon married is the guy in the picture.
You're right.
And I can't say for sure that headache is result of last night's triple Tequila.
- Got a hunch, though. - All right.
Let's just sit tight till we authenticate the photo.
It could be any guy in Haight-Ashbury.
We're not going off half-cocked on an innocent man.
Fine. How do you feel about quarter-cocked?
Hey, Mar.
Everything okay?
Yeah.
I screwed up, Karl.
I'm sorry. I should have done this yesterday.
What?
We have to tap your phones.
And I forgot to have you sign off on it.
My boss'll be pissed if... anyway, it's just a precaution.
It's temporary.
We have to make sure Beth doesn't break protocol.
Teenagers. You know.
Cool.
You had me worried there for a second.
You know, I remember, I don't know,
she couldn't have been more than 10,
and I had just started making furniture.
I had a few private clients.
But back then,
I could only work on the weekends.
So, Saturday morning,
Sharon, you know, would be up at dawn out volunteering,
and it was up to Beth to make Saturday breakfast.
So I'd be banging away,
buzz saw screaming,
and she would walk in, holding this plate over her little head.
She had made what she called sunshine toast.
You know, you take out the middle...
Fry an egg in it.
- You've had this? - Hangover food.
Exactly.
She was...
Beth.
That kid is the best thing we ever did.
Maybe the only...
Look, Karl, building a new life,
it's hard.
And when you're building on top of a lie...
Yup.
Yeah.
Kids are tougher than you think, though.
Give her a little time to adjust.
The new normal. All that.
Anyway, thanks for this.
Happy to help.
Let me guess.
We got a guy in holding who's a friend of yours.
I hope not.
Actually I'm just here about some speeding tickets.
You know I'd love to help, but moving violations?
I am in the big leagues now,
or did you not catch the gleam of my Detective's badge?
Well, I'm sure you know someone.
- Chocolate croissant. - Get thee behind me, Satan.
Carbs are the last thing I need.
Having said that,
am I to understand Marshall is on assignment this weekend?
Am I to understand you'd rather he not be?
Just looking to put something right.
What a coincidence. So am I.
- Coffee? - I'd love to.
What's the deal with Karl's prints?
We're still waiting to come in.
Seriously?
How do we not have that information?
On 24, Chloe would have it for Jack in two seconds flat.
This isn't CTU, I'm not Chloe, and you sure as hell aren't Jack.
What's that supposed to mean? I could totally be Jack.
We can only find information that actually exists.
To this point, Karl's prints didn't ding anything in the database.
Worst Chloe ever.
I'm sorry. We have a strict no jeans policy.
Really? How's your badge policy?
Do you have a no badge policy?
Tess yates from the FBI ordered a hand-search
of all the non-scanned print records.
- And how long's that gonna take? - Precisely as long as it does.
Damn it.
Wish I were Jack Bauer.
Where are the Alperts?
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Mary Shannon, sister of the bride.
So glad you could make it.
- Not to mention shocked. - Couldn't miss the show.
Little shrimps.
Hal, Dora,
while we're waiting for the entrees,
I would love to show you
where we are with the wedding plan.
How clever. Look, Hal.
It lays everything out.
As you can see, Mary has so graciously offered her backyard
for her sister's wedding.
I'm sorry, Jinx,
this is all extremely delicate.
And we wouldn't want to step on any toes.
Then don't.
What Hal is trying to say
is that we're not sure
that Mary's backyard will fit
the reception we had in mind.
Between extended family
and business associates, we were thinking
a guest list more in the 200 to 300 range.
And it would be wrong for us to impose our guest list on you.
But if you'll indulge me,
I think I have a solution.
We'll throw the wedding at the Country Club.
Three, two, one.
Hal, that is so kind of you.
But this is my responsibility.
Which is why we would love to use your lovely plan
to host the rehearsal dinner.
Really, it would be just like a matter of swapping duties.
I'm sorry.
But someone's got to stand up for my mother.
She's worked so hard to plan this wedding.
And she's been looking forward to this since the day I was born.
Look at her little board.
What's most important
is that our kids have the wedding of their dreams.
And if swapping duties will accomplish that,
then I am more than happy to step aside.
So happy.
That is wonderful.
Okay, okay, okay, but I want to make one thing perfectly clear.
You are gonna have the little shrimps at the wedding, right?
You got it.
Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes.
I'll fish for them myself.
- You're all very... yeah. - Thank you.
Mom, you didn't have to do that, you know. I mean, it's my wedding.
Who cares about their third cousin's precious feelings?
Brandi, keep up.
Well-played, mom.
- Genius. - Thanks.
Your dutiful daughter routine really brought it home.
- Thank you. - What are you...
Wait, you guys just conned my in-laws?
Just taking care of my girls.
Oh, my God.
Mom! Thank you.
That's actually really sweet.
Hello.
Yates came through. We got the match on Karl.
- You were right. - Hey, I'll catch up.
He's Sharon's former accomplice Ryan Marsh.
So Sharon's been hiding him in WITSEC this whole time.
Unreal.
Fugitive Task Force is gearing up to make the arrest.
Buy us one more day?
I want to prep Beth for another blindside.
Oh, boy.
Hey, there, sunshine.
I thought I was taking the bus.
I cut out early today. Come on. Hop in.
Look...
I know that this has all been a lot.
And you have every right to feel exactly like you do.
Your mother and I have made some mistakes, sweetie,
but we're gonna love you a lot longer than you're gonna hate us.
Yeah.
- I guess. - Come on.
Everything's gonna be back to normal before you know it, I promise.
In fact, look, we're already back on track.
I'm picking you up from school.
You're ignoring me.
Stop.
Beth, I'm at your house. Where are you?
I'm just in the car with my dad.
Okay. I don't have time to explain,
but I want you to listen to me very carefully.
Do not let your dad know it's me.
Do you understand?
Okay.
There's a 7-11 on the corner at University and Central.
Tell him you want a slurpee, and wait for me there.
- What's going on? - Just wait for me.
Who was that?
That was just Erin, actually.
Dad. No, dad.
What did she want?
Beth.
- What did Mary want? - Nothing.
Dad, I don't know.
Yeah, absolutely.
Can you just hang out for just one second?
Karl, I'm with a client.
Hey, babe.
We're stopping by the DQ before heading home.
Cool?
Yeah.
Bring me a vanilla cone, okay?
And I'll be done here soon.
Vanilla cone.
Got it.
Dad, what's going on?
- A little family trip. - No.
I'm not going anywhere with you.
I'm in trouble.
Your mom too.
If we stay,
your mom and I will go to prison.
We got a hit on the ATM card.
They took out $600 just off of 25 North.
Fugitive Task Force is setting up checkpoints.
Your witness is on the run with her daughter and fugitive husband.
You really felt this was the best time to grab a slurpee?
I was waiting for Beth for 20 minutes at a 7-11.
What am I, a robot?
Robots are more sensitive.
They had 16 years to plan their escape, and they use an ATM?
You think it's a head-fake?
I know it's a head-fake.
You didn't just put shadowing software on Beth's laptop.
- You added a tracker. - I figured it couldn't hurt, at the time.
I was worried about her taking off, not getting abducted by her own parents.
Paranoia pays.
Beth and her laptop are headed for Mexico.
I thought this thing had a little get-up-and-go.
It does and not just a little.
Are you saving it for a special occasion? Come on.
- Turn off the engine! - Turn off the engine!
Put your hands where we can see 'em.
- Where's Beth? - She's safe.
And you have her laptop.
Excellent.
I'm not gonna help you find them.
You can shoot me.
Good. Thanks.
Task Force has sewn up the southbound checkpoints too.
They haven't crossed a State line.
I found Sharon's disposable cell phone, but the call log is empty.
No way of getting Karl's number.
So you think you're doing her a favor?
Protecting her dad? Keeping him out of jail?
I mean, a drug deal went bad.
It's not Karl's fault people died, right?
People always say wrong place, wrong time.
Karl wasn't even in the wrong place.
You know where he was the night of the bust?
I have a feeling I'm about to find out.
Holed up in our apartment chained to a radiator.
We'd started the hard stuff by then.
Karl knew we had to get off that track.
I was so in love with the idea of us as Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain.
And he saw we were heading straight for Sid and Nancy.
- Karl did. - Poor Beth.
So many role models, so little time.
Who do you think straightened me out?
You think I just came into the program scared straight?
He turned my life around right after he turned around his.
And now he's doing the same to Beth's.
Not working out so well this time, though.
Beth was our chance to do what our parents didn't.
We tried to get it right, you know?
I knew this little girl. Her dad was a fugitive.
Took off when she was little, left the whole family behind.
And she would fantasize
about, you know,
if he'd taken her with him.
Just the two of them. Life on the road.
Step ahead of the law.
But that's all it was.
A fantasy.
Dragging a kid along for the ride,
for that ride,
I mean, what kind of life is Beth gonna have?
What kind of friends?
And what's the point if she has to bolt at the drop of a hat?
School, career,
a family of her own?
Come on. You think she withdrew before?
Just wait.
Hello?
I think that we should cross the border together.
Yeah. Meet me at that place
outside of Las Cruces.
Okay.
See you there.
I love you.
I love you too.
Hands. Hands.
Hands in the air.
Where's Sharon? Where is she?
- It's okay, baby. - Dad!
Don't worry, sweetie.
No, don't take him.
Don't take him!
- He didn't do anything. - I'm gonna be okay.
I'm so sorry.
Don't leave me, dad.
Please.
You'll see me soon.
Mary, he didn't do anything.
Look at me.
Do you trust me?
You're gonna look back on this, maybe years from now,
and you're gonna realize living like that is not living.
I promise.
Come here.
Showed up to work today, and Stan told me to come here.
Any idea why?
Look, lord knows I have been guilty of this in the past,
but I refuse to play any psycho girlfriend games with you,
so I am just going to say it.
I was hurt when you didn't want to go to the Spa with me.
I mean, who works that hard to get out of a massage?
I figured you wanted to break up with me.
That's the last thing I want.
Except a massage.
Kinda.
Look, odds are, as soon as I get on that massage table,
it'll send me right back to'nam.
I'll be hearing the choppers, feeling the trip wires.
I think I have a compromise.
- No'nam? - No'nam.
I will see to it personally.
That could work.
So I'm officially entering the Witness Protection Program.
Do I have to change my name?
No, you were born into WITSEC.
Congratulations, you're my first witness who won't have to.
And so my dad.
He's, like, going away forever?
Not forever.
D.A. in San Francisco opted not to pursue the worst of the charges.
He has been a law-abiding citizen for 17 years.
If he continues the good behavior, he'll be out in five to seven.
He'll serve his time in California under his real name,
and when he's done, he'll be Karl again.
Back in Albuquerque.
Thank you.
There's one more thing.
I'm not calling you Moonbeam.
I need you to take Beth somewhere.
I wouldn't ask you,
but house arrest.
Lindsay Lohan all of a sudden.
Yeah, no, it's fine.
Just let me know when to pick her up.
Okay.
Hey, Beth.
Do you have a sec?
Listen, I know it's gonna be hard giving them another shot,
but, my two cents,
I think you should.
'Cause if you don't, it just ends up...
just take it from me.
Sometimes the change is real.
Sometimes they surprise you.
Whatever.
But thanks.
And now it is my profound honor to present
our finalists.
There comes a time when every kid peeks behind the curtain,
and sees she's not the only one who's putting on a show.
Fathers, mothers, cops and robbers,
every member of the PTA.
All playing dress-up, all in their masks.
A constant Halloween.
And Beth Harris.
You know, now that she's starting to place,
maybe Beth could really use some help
losing those pesky last few lbs.
You know what helped Sarah?
It was baby food.
Amazing for portion control.
You're everything that's wrong with the world.
And our second runner-up is...
Beth Harris.
That first peek behind the curtain,
the lifting of the mask, it's a disorienting moment.
The solid ground beneath you sweeps away the quicksand,
along with all you thought you knew.
But you realize, as day and nights go by,
that there's a kind of truth in the lie.
That the mask is often more revealing than the face that lies beneath.
Because the person you pretended to be...
the mother, the father, the sister, the cop...
became, somehow,
the person that you are.
Witness Protection Team